the ugly duckling story

I always do this. I always screw things up. I always make a big deal out of the smallest things. I don’t know why I get so upset over such insignificant matters. And honestly, if I look at it objectively, I can see how foolishly it is that I’m acting. It doesn’t matter, though. Because objectivity is not my reality. Far from it. What I feel is never objective and I don’t think it ever will be.

I’ve always been insecure and I’m used to it by now. Like, it doesn’t hurt me. Usually. But when that insecurity is directly tied to you, it hurts like hell. And I wish it didn’t. And it’s all my fault. I bring it upon myself and then I ruin things.

I’m sorry I get so upset.
I’m sorry I’m such a cow when I do.
I’m truly sorry, I’m not just saying that.

And I know that I should change, and I do try in my own way… But… I don’t think I’ll ever succeed. I don’t think I’ll ever be logical and strong. When it comes to you I’ll always be vulnerable and messed up. And honestly, I’m expecting you to give up on me very soon.

They always do.
They all give up on me.
And it’s all my fault.

I’m just not worth it all.