Marriage is a holly relationship. A ties meant to be bound till your very last breath. The stage that everybody wants to do it right at the right time with the right person. Let me tell you this. I am very scared of not having one. But being scared isn't a reason for you to do it with whoever person that walks into your life. I wont do it blindly. I will do it with the right person. Coz i wont repeat my past mistakes.
Now, if you ask me whether I am prepared of having one. Nope. I dont. Let me assure you that I am one cold blooded mammals. A selfish human being. A control freak. A self obsessed. A grumpy one. In short, I am not fit to have one healthy relationship. Never did. Used to play and goofy around. I was a heart breaker. Indeed, a good one. N I am very truly sorry. I was looking for 'mr perfect'. But I wasn't that perfect either. Again, I am sorry. As for right now, I had successfully being miss solo for a half year. Impressive! Who knows? Maybe I'll go for a year.
I've always lived like this. Keeping a comfortable distance . And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I am content with loneliness. Because none of it was ever worth the risk. Maybe I know somewhere, deep in my soul, that love can really lasts for a lifetime.
Just give me time. N I will find the right person to start my life with. Maybe not now. But oneday I will find him. He doesn't have to be perfect. I will like him for what he is. I wont change him and be another Miss-Control-Freak. A man who understands me. Who would go bungee jumping for me. Who would be my bodyguard in a rock concert. Who would go for a backpacking round the world. Who stands for hours when I do my shopping therapy even if I dont buy anything. Who indeed become my unofficial financial advisor. Who dont litter. Who will eat popcorn and movie marathon with me on the couch. Who would read books in the middle of the night with me. Who would make me a hot chocolate when I came back late from work. Who would be my bestfriend. Who knows how to put me in silence whenever we are having rows. Who would slap me in the face when I'm being rude. Who wud stand besides me whenever I am at my weakest point. Who would be my teddybear and cuddle me in his arm whenever I feel like crying. Who loves me eternally and decides to put it in a love song. Who shows his love and write it in a letter form. Who would hold my hand from the day first till our last breath. Who will grow old gracefully with me.
No matter how far you are. No matter how long it will take. I'll be waiting. Mr Ever After.
FIN
Mahfuzah Mansor
1.55am
26/4/2010